Juli

oook so its definitely been like a month since i've updated....and let me tell you, a lot has happened since then. last weekend there was a little party ordeal but we won't get into that cuz i don't need anyone finding out about it who isn't supposed to know. the best part of last week would have to be on thursday. well...you see, i pretty much planned this whole thing for james and jamie....for him to have flowers sent to her in study hall 2nd period. so all is going well, and james gives me his video camera to tape jaim's reaction. so second period comese along and the homecoming court has a meeting. the flowers were supposed to come around 8:45.....so i'm sittin there goin crazy cuz jamie hasn't gotten back yet. apparently james was in the office having them wait til they were done the homecoming thing. so jamie gets back, and then about 5 minutes later the lady from the office brings in the flowers...i'm lookin at them and i'm like damn, he got her a lot of flowers. she starts to walk over and i take out the video camera and start taping her...the lady puts flowers infront of jaim....and me! i was so confused....so i'm taping jamie and i'm like 'why the hell did i get some?!' apparently, somehow, i missed the whole part where i was getting some from aaron. lol it was a complete surprise, i had no idea. both mine and jamie's cards said 'will you go out with me?' oh it was so cute. it was perfect. and of course i said yes! haha. sooo that was my thursday. friday night was a football game that went into mad overtime and this poor little freshman got in big trouble by the shit head security guard for being one of like 10 people saying 'you suck ref'. i felt so bad for teh kid. saturday was our home cavalcade. wow what a long day. jaim and i went to breakfast at shady with some of the crew at like 8:00, which gave us 20 minutes to eat and we had to rush back for practice. we were in the parkinglot at 8:59. haha. so then we practiced til 12, jaim and i went back to her house and her mom made us some lunch and we talked for a while and came back to the school. i had double parked so that she could have a spot when we got back. we went up into the hallway, i did her hair while she retaped my rifle. then we had to go host york suburban...which let me tell you was quite interesting......when you think of york suburban, you think organized, well behaved kids. welllllllllll guess again! it was insane...we ran across the parkinglot cuz they had to pee so bad, they didn't wait for us or anything...it was just...insane. lol. then it started raining, of course..the only time it rained was while jaim, katrina and i had to host. we went back up to the hallway after those 2 hours were over with and jaim did my hair while i finished taping my rifle. we changed and got ready to go warm up. we did our performance, which wasn't really....all...that bad...i don't think. i screwed up a lot but over all i think it went pretty well. i couldn't stop laughing while we were standing there during retreat. and that was my last home cavalcade. i wasn't really sad or anything...i don't think it ever really hit me. but i got to spend the whole day with my jaim so that's all good. yesterday was james' birthday party. that was fun. haha. besides the fact of people thinking jamie and i were lesbians and such. lol james got this book called 'the man's guide to sex' or something like htat...it was the funniest thing in the world. we were reading it...oh man. it was hilarious. but yeah his party was fun. but now i'm hungry and i gotta get started on my homework and stuff like that.

ok..so..time for an update. friday night was a football game. that was fun, the guys spelled out go wildcats on their chests and me and jamie put pawprints on our stomachs. after the game i went home and luke wanted me to come over for a while so i asked mom to extend my curfew to 11:30 and i went to his house to hang out with him, micah and met chaz. chaz and micah went out for a smoke so it was just me and luke in his room. we talked about stuff for a long time then i realized it was 11:20 so i had to leave. saturday was the parade. 4 hours standing in the rain. not fun. cold and pooring down rain. saturday night i had people over, including luke, micah and chaz. i was tryin to spend a lot of time with luke this weekend, and managed to be with him every day. so that was good. sunday i slept all day, did some homework, went to luke's around 5 for a bbq type deal. that was fun...we were sittin on his couch watchin some tv...chaz and micah had yet again disappeared. and then i had no idea how late it had gotten and it was 5 mins before i had to be at work so i said i had to get goin. he walked me to my car and i got my hug and then i left. i was a mess at work. they let me go at 10, but i waited til luke got there to leave, which was like 10:20. so i clocked out and went out front to see him and chaz, then i took them home and i got another hug. i was up late talking to him last night and thats when the water works started. i told him i was really gonna miss him, more than he probably knew and he said he's gonna miss me a lot too, and that i was his best friend here. and then just little things he said were really sweet and i just didn't want him to leave. then today, oh boy was i a mess today. only made it through like 2 periods without crying. after school i talked to him on his way to the airport. that's when it really hit me. i told him not to forget about me, and he said 'how could i...you don't have to worry about that' and then i said he was makin me cry and he said 'don't cry i told you i'd come back and i'm a man of my word' soo that gives me a little hope. i need to figure out how to visit him sometime. i'm going crazy. i can't take it....i've never had someone so close to me leave before i'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it. i just can't stop crying. if i'm this upset about him, i can't imagine what i'd be like if any of the crew ever left. god. i get so attached. he meant a lot to me...he also said this was the best summer ever. gaaaaaaaahhh i just want to crawl in my bed and cry for a day. :*( okay, i should get to bed, its not like luke's here anymore to stay up late talking to. i'll need to get his phone number up there so i can call him sometime. even though it would be mad long distance...I DON'T CARE. lol.alright. nite.

i just really need to talk to someone :(

i'm not sure. i'm just not sure of anythign right now. everything in my life seems very....i don't know the word for it. very flimsy? or something. i dunno. everything is changing. but yeah. one: there's school. that's good for the most part, i mean i have a lot of classes with friends but it never seems like anyone wants me around. and that's one of the things that gets me most upset. i feel like there's like all this planning of things to do going on around me but i'm never included in a lot of it. or if i am included, it's only b/c i overheard the conversation. perhaps i'm just overanalyzing it, as i often do, but it really seems like people would be happier without me around. two: jaim seems to want to hang out with other people more than me, which is fine but i don't get to see her a lot during the day so its kind of nice to spend some time with her. three: guard is going very badly. everything seems like its falling apart at the seams. i just feel like we are screwed this year and i wish it wasn't that way cuz i reaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllyyyy wanted to do well this year and i wanted something else but that didn't happen and i feel that the wrong decision was made but oh well. no one cares what i think. four: luke. luke is leaving monday. and i think i'm going to cry. i just don't like knowing i'm never going to see him again. i'm going to miss him like mad. but i don't think he gets that, and i doubt he's going to miss me so i don't even know why i bother. five: this is one of my personal thoughts and i probably shouldn't write it in here but i am cuz i need to get it off my chest. so approximately like 65-75% of the senior girls have had sex already. i am among the 25-35% who has not. i am in 12th grade and have not even had a serious boyfriend who i've really really really cared about. is there something wrong with this picture??? yes. there is. what's wrong with me? there's no one even out there who likes me. and if you do...hello! speak up what the hell are you waiting for. today i over heard numerous conversations girls in my grade were having about having sex and whatnot. atleast like 3 conversations...that's not something you usually hear being talked about. it made me think about things. why don't i have a boyfriend? why haven't i had sex? what makes me so different from those girls? i consider 12th grade being past the age of being "too young". it's just how i see it, you may disagree. but i think as most 12th graders are 17 or older, they should have the choice whether they want to or not. it's not too young anymore. as long as you're responsible, there is no problem. unless of course your problem is not having someone, which is my case. yeah i really don't know where i'm going with this. i guess i'm just wondering if there is something wrong with me. if you're a guy friend of mine reading this...answer me this: am i date worthy? is there a reason i have not had any meaningful relationships? is there something wrong with me???? i'd really like to know. arghghghghghhghghgh. i have been patient but its about time i got some action goin on here...

so yesterday after school kayla, rachel and bobby came over for a while after i went to take care of the michael's dogs. we just hung out for a while..bobby's a very curious kid he was looking through everything including my closet??? lol then bobby left, and i had to get ready for the game so i kicked rachel and kayla out. then i went to the school. the game was at perk valley. i did horribly in our show. it was just bad. after the sun went down it got super cold and i was absolutely freezing. on the bus ride home kevin was ::gasp:: get this...being nice! lol he gave me his sweatshirt to wear. we sang a lot on the way home, it was fun. today was practice from 12-3 and it was not fun. people make me angry and if they are making me angry, i can imagine that jamie is quite pissed off. i'm still a little bitter about something that happened but i suppose i need to let it go. nothing can be changed although i'm not really very happy with the decision. it's not right. tonight i had to work. which was less than desirable. luke came in with his friend micah..that was probably the highlight of the night, lol to give you an idea of how exciting it was. i was super tired and exhausted and people were getting on my nerves. aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. so i go to leave work tonight and i'm walking to my car, this kid gets out of the car near mine and comes up to me and says 'hey, wanna go for a ride?'. yeah so he's got sunglasses on, is wearing a hoodie with the hood up so i'm like all freaked out and whatnot. then i hear luke yell my name and i was about to punch him. it was his friend micah. lol i felt like such a dork, but then again how the heck was i supposed to know? lol he didn't have the yellow car he normally drives. so yeah. he wanted to use my phone to call kelley who got him 120 cans of beer. ::jealous:: lol. so then he left and i left and now i'm here with one wine cooler down and one to left to go. i don't know if i'll drink the other one though cuz i'm gettnig tired. working for 6 hours tomorrow night. fun fun fun. filling in for luke. i had to mop tonight. i haven't mopped in there since like...may. lol cuz luke always does the dirty work. i guess i will ahve to get used to it again though. back to my old routine. working machine night and sweeping and mopping every night. what fun. oooook enough. good bye

well today was bad. i woke up feeling semi sickly. but i kept going on with my morning routine thinking i was just super hungry and i'd get something to eat when i was done getting ready. but no, i didnt even finish getting ready when i pretty much collapsed and vomitted into the tub. not fun. not fun let me tell you. when i vomit i freak out, i was crying and shaking and it was just bad. so mom told me i had to go back to bed and lay down. i was feeling better after it but i figured i'd go back to bed anyway cuz it was after 8:45. so around 9:15 i woke up again and got ready...i was feeling ok, my stomach was still a little uncomfortable but it was fine, or so i thought. made it through half of study hall and half of english til i started feelin pretty bad again. went to stat and asked ferster to go to the bathroom where i had yet another wonderful vomitting experience. so then i waited it out til lunch and i went home. slept all day, was still feeling pretty crappy but i forced some soup down and kept it there so after that i started feeling better. had a little salad for dinner and headed off to band. after band i took josh home and got aquainted with his dogs which i'm dogsitting for this weekend...they are sooooooooo cute. i love them lol. so his mom talked to me for like an hour and then i came home, i just hope i can find his house tomorrow lol. it's kind of hard to find. but yeah.

i wonder if its gonna be warm tomorrow cuz i wanna wear my skirt. it's real cute.

so a week and a half left of luke. :*( i'm real sad. i don't want to not ever see him again. i wanna work with him til we close. i don't think i'm working with him again...maybe wednesday but i doubt it. his friend micah is coming in saturday night so he's pretty much not working at all next week. i told him he better not leave here w/o giving me a hug and saying good bye. and hopefully he won't or i'll cry. i'm gonna miss the kid. seeing as i will never see him again. his quote of the summer, "i'll probably sink the submaines or something" lol. hey luke...aren't submarines supposed to sink??? hahaha. yeah good times. he made work worth being at. seriously i pretty much stayed workign there cuz of him. that' why i don't know if i wnt to go back next summer cuz he won't be there. rrr.

stupid boys

stupid.

10:30. i want to wait for luke to get home but then i'll be up til 2 am.

go to bed juli

2nd day of school. i got really bored today... i have a feeling that's gonna happen a lot this year. after school i went with kayla to rachel's house, then to wendy's and back to rachel's then took her to work. we visited satko and hung around there for a while then i came home, slept a while and got ready for work. was about to step out the door when mr. c called me and told me not to come in cuz they didnt need me. so i came back in, changed and then jamie wanted to go to rita's so i went to meet her. we were sitting there when aaron came out of parma so he was talkin to us and then kenny long, who is very cute now by the way, came out of cvs and was talkin to us for a while. we were talkin about cops and licenses revoked and accidents and whatnot. then we left and i came back and retaped my sabre. and now i'm gonna go do homework that wasn't gonna get done today

ok so here's me attempting to update more often. first day of school. wasn't half bad besides the whole school part. lol i have a lot of friends in my classes...for a change! every single class i have atleast one friend in it. lets see..1st period: me, bobby, satko, rambo and jp. and in the back corner there's me, bobby, rambo and satko in a square so that should be fun. 2nd period...like the entire posse is in gym. aaron, bobby, kevin, jp, satko, sibley....and i can't remeinber if rambo is in there or not.. and then there's me and jaim. it's so cool, if only katrina, kayla, rachel, brobst and justin were in there it'd be more awesome. then...3rd period. i've got kayla in there and htat's it but atleast she is in one of my classes! 4th, 5th and 6th are all the same cuz i got ap stat and lunch...that's pete, james, and rambo. then...7th period study hall i have aaron in a few times a week and 8th study hall i have crystal, katie and katrina..then 9th period is calc, i have shayna, bobby, james and satko. and 10th i just have crystal but that's ok. i'm liking this year!!! it's about time i have friends in my classes. damn. i feel bad for kayla though, she said she doesn't really have any in her classes :( i really wish you could pick your classes or somethin. any way so the first day was a success, and i kind of like having gym back to back cuz you get it over with and i don't have gym again til next tuesday. this year is gonna be good, i can feel it. one more year to go and i am out of there! woohoo! i'm starting to get excited about college. i've gotten over my insecurities about leaving everyone and whatnot. i'm hearing all these stories from like jill and tony and stuff and it just sounds like so much fun. ok well i need a nap. peace out girl scouts

damn.....we have school tomorrow :*(

ok so i haven't updated in a long time. not too much has happenend. well i guess a lot actually has. i think the last thing i updated about was jamie coming home...which was the best part of the summer! lol. then band camp happened...it was a lot of fun sometimes, frustrating others and there were a few things i got really really angry about but i guess i'll have to get over it....i could say there's always next year, but there's not. that was the case last year and i promised myself that something would happen and i didn't pull through with it. so yeah. i suck. the posse went out pretty much every night to people's houses, had a few dinners at kevin's house. friday night was the first football game..it was fun. except for the sabre work which i sucked at but it will get better. last night i was supposed to work, then got called in an hour later and then i got called off. so i went out to markies with the crew. i got hit in the throat with a golf ball which turned out to be "a hickey from gary" lol but it really wasn't. then we went to rita's and chilled in the gazebo for a while. then we all left and sibley got pulled over yet again. and today we rearranged my room...i'm likin it except i can't find my keys anywhere...lol. then work tonight was fun...except sarah but i didn't say a word to her so its all good. one more day of summer vacation guys...that's it. meh. this year should be fun though..i have pretty many friends in my classes. and i'm gonna try to update more often. but for now i'm pretty tired and i have to reset my clock...peace out kids

lol guys....we're getting old. i'm watching nick at nite and they just had the "TV classics" linup and full house and roseanne were in it. full house... a classic???? wow, lol. i never knew our shows would become "classics" so soon

wow this is a really really super sad song. it made me cry when i found all the lyrics to it....

dixie chicks - travelin soldier

Two days past eighteen
He was waitin' for the bus in his army greens
Sat down in a booth, in a cafe there
Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair
He's a little shy so she gives him a smile
And he said, 'Would you mind sittin' down for a while?
And talkin' to me
I'm feelin' a little low'
She said, 'I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go'

So they went down and they sat on the pier
He said, 'I bet you got a boyfriend, but I don't care
I got no one to send a letter to...
Would you mind if I sent one back here to you?'

Chorus:
I cried, 'Never gonna hold the hand of another guy'
'Too young for him,' they told her
Waitin' for the love of the travelin' soldier
'Our love will never end'
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone when the letter says
My soldier's comin' home

So the letters came from an army camp
In California, then Vietnam
And he told her of his heart, it might be love
And all of the things he was so scared of
He said, 'When it's gettin' kinda rough over here
I think of that day, sittin' down at the pier
And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile
Don't worry, but I won't be able to write for a while...'

Chorus

One Friday night at a football game
The Lord's Prayer said and the anthem sang
A man said, 'Folks, would you bow your heads
For the list of local Vietnam dead'

Cryin' all alone under the stands
Was the piccolo player in the marching band
And one name read and nobody really cared
But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair...

Chorus

<td bgcolor="#000000">Last Name:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">First Name:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Field of expertise..</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Anime </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Social Detractor..</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Bad Acne </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Attire..</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Funk-ridden casual. </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Quote..</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">"No silly, that happened in 1812." </td></tr>

Stereotype Nerd by ericist
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p


What kind of kiss are you?
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creative: you are an individual at school and thats
why your friends all think you're amazing. you
offer a shoulder to cry on when people need on,
you give good advice and overall a very good
friend. you enjoy being in the company of
others, particularly those closest to you and
sometimes depend on your friends too much. but
apart from being dependent, you can mostly make
it on your own and excel over others. you are
fun, good natured and a great person to be
around!


what kind of girl are you?
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LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	sillyliljuli
Your haiku:	i not tell him should i not tell him should i tell him should i not tell
Username:
Created by Grahame

hahahaha how convenient. why didn't i do this before i told him!

i want to fall inlove. more than anything...i just want to know what it's like. even if it is just puppy love for now. i'm in no hurry to grow up and get into the let's get married love type deal...i just want to feel like i'm worth something to someone and i want to make someone feel like they are worth something to me.

yeah, so someone called my cell phone and left a message disguising their voice saying "is jamie home yet?? are you out playing with her?" and it really made me angry. whoever did that...you have no idea what it's like to have your best friend leave for an entire summer and only get to talk to her on occasional 30 minute or so phone calls that happened whenever she had some free time. i don't know why i got this phone call and it was really uncalled for. grow up.

jamie comes home today!!!!!!!! :D

i am completely, totally and utterly confused. why do i let boys do this to me...is it so wrong to need a little reassurance?????

now i get it. how could i be so fucking stupid. to think that someone could actually like me....yeah. i don't know. great game to play with me, luke. great game. what the fuck where you thinking. what the fuck was i thinking. fuck. fuck. FUCK.

geeeeez. i want a boyfriend...none of this let's hang out and see what happens but never want to hang out shit. you leave in a fuckin month then i'll never see you again. WHAT is going on here????? i don't get it..you said you like me too but you sure as hell don't act like it. i feel like i'm wasting my time. and i don't like that feeling. :( humph